It was a long day before my feet even hit the floor. You know how the accumulation of sick children, interrupted nights, and busy-ness can avalanche onto your shoulders and knock you right back onto your pillow?
It was that. Except that staying in bed isn’t an option when the hungry preschooler and the toddler with the soppy diaper and the bright eyed and bushy tailed baby put their heads together.
Sometime after a half a cup of coffee (and I do mean the large mug), I drug a thought out of the shadows and scrawled it onto paper before it could escape.
How do I fix my eyes on Jesus?
In this day. In the midst of an abundance of demands vying for my attention. In the midst of my poverty of energy.
When the tantrums leave my head pounding and the noodles boil over and Superman is called out for another lost hiker and the diapers make the laundry room reek…how?
Hebrews 12 is a blood stirring exhortation, making the statement that the only way to live victorious in this world of distractions and disappointments is to focus clear and hard.
Maybe it’s changing the diaper for His sake and scrubbing the garbage pail for Him and always, always in my heart nurturing the restless longing that is for Him.
Because it’s Him that I long so soul-desperate for.
Oh, I forget at times, wandering like an amnesiac in aimless living. But fixing my eyes steadfastly, longingly on Jesus cures the forgetting of my soul.
And when the questions that seep like spilled juice onto a clean outfit damp my mind, I can say, Yes! Yes, I was made for more than this!
And so my prayers bubble up, hot and restless like the overflowing pot, splashing across the pages of my journal, and I confess,
How I claw at the veil of separation with fingers earth-clumsy and swollen with the glut of selfishness, desperate to draw the curtain aside.
That He is the antidote to the soul toxins I so greedily consume.
These moments on earth are only the preface to an eternity of pages.
Will I write His name all over these swift and slippery days, stubbornly pinning my soul’s focus on Him?
Because, fixing my eyes…
…fixes my heart.